It’s not what’s happening to you now or what has happened in your past that determines who you become. Rather, it’s your decisions about what to focus on, what things mean to you, and what you’re going to do about them that will determine your ultimate destiny.
~ Anthony Robbins
This is a concept that I never fully understood until now. Once grasped, it can make permanent and immediate changes in your life. Most people are too focused on what they want, perhaps even the steps to get there, without analysing their mindset and who they need to be to achieve these desired outcomes. If you do not look closely at what you believe to be true, your subconscious may be undermining every decision you make to take action.
You need to think about who you need to become, before planning what needs to be done. This is best expressed using the common phrase in coaching – be, do, have. What this means essentially is who do you need to be, in order to do what is necessary, to have what you desire. Who we are being and what we are becoming is the most necessary step in our own personal development. You need to be constantly growing as a person to achieve success. If you were already the person you needed to be, there would be no further work to do. We are all growing continually, acquiring new skills and adapting, changing to become better versions of ourselves. I believe this is the meaning of life.
Our unconscious mind is the most powerful tool we have at our disposal. Our words become our actions, which create our situation. Let me clarify. Our words, or in this case ‘self-talk’, the things we tell ourselves each and every moment of every day, are defining who we are as people, which then determine what actions we take on a daily basis. It is our actions that create our current reality. Most people understand the second step, planning what actions to take, without analysing who they are right now, and how that may be holding them back.
For example, if I am unhappy with my weight, I may focus on a goal to lose 10kg. I can plan the steps I need to take, such as starting a diet, joining a gym and exercising every day. However, most people find they lose motivation, and cannot stick to this plan long term. This is because they have not examined, what beliefs and therefore what actions led them to be overweight in the first place. Will they be happy even if they achieve their goals? Many yo-yo dieters are stuck in this cycle, because even when they achieve their goals, they find they still have low self-esteem or other body image issues, so eventually give up and return to their previous weight. Therefore, what they need to focus on first, is their own internal dialogue, belief systems and motivations.
Once you have identified what beliefs are holding you back, you need to change them. The most effective way is with a transformational coach or other professional who can quickly break through these barriers and help you replace them with more positive belief systems. This is also something you can do yourself. The main area you need to change is your self-talk or internal dialogue. That is all the little voices you hear in your head, or thoughts that pass through your mind throughout the day. Pay attention and just listen to what you are thinking for a few days. If it is mostly positive, that is how you will feel about your life. If it is mostly negative, you are self-sabotaging before you have even begun to take action.
To alter these negative thoughts, you need to replace them with positive ones. Correct yourself every time you notice a thought that is not useful to you. My favourite tip is ‘act as if now’! This means you need to think and act as if you have already achieved all of your desires. For example, if you want to be wealthy, model how a wealthy person thinks and therefore behaves. Do you think Donald Trump is worrying about paying his bills, or not having enough? No, since he is well aware of the abundance available to all of us, and makes decisions based on this belief. Focusing on lack will give you exactly that. Focusing on abundance will open your eyes to positive opportunities around you, and these thoughts will lead you to take actions that create wealth.
That is as simply as I can explain the concept. It took me two years to really get it. Just remember: focus on changing your thoughts or state of mind first, then the actions will automatically take care of themselves. Who do you need to become today, so that you can be a better you tomorrow?